This blog was written by Anyone’s Child member, Hilary, for International Overdose Awareness Day

It’s been a little over 5 years since my oldest son Ben died from a heroin overdose when he was 27. Ben had so much potential to give to the world and, above all, he was a kind and caring person that was full of life. But he suffered from problematic substance use which prevented him from doing and being so many of the things he wanted to be. He didn’t want to be in his position, in his words he “wanted to be normal”. 

Probably one of the worst things about being in his situation is that although Ben knew that his use was harming us and those who loved him, it was also his medicine which he needed to numb his pain. This made giving up difficult and kept him on a roundabout of use. The more he saw the hurt he was causing, the more pain he felt, the worse he felt – which in turn made giving up drugs harder. Drugs then became a need not a choice, physically as well as emotionally. He was doing what we do as humans, avoiding pain, and the one thing keeping him from feeling pain also ended up killing him.

I’ve had to find ways to survive the intense pain of Ben’s death. He was my oldest child that was supposed to outlive me, he was supposed to live a happy life, have a job, a loving relationship, maybe children, travel, have fun experiences. He wasn’t supposed to die in a toilet, alone, obviously ashamed and scared. Ben didn’t deserve that. Ben needed help not judgement. He, like so many others, was worth so much more. I know I will never recover, I will never be that same person I was. 

Ben didn’t want to die. I know he was hoping to give up but he couldn’t see a way out of his use. Over the last 5 years since he died I’ve come to realise that part of what kept Ben and so many others on the roundabout of use is our laws and drug policies.

For over 50 years our drug legislation and attitude to drugs have remained largely unchanged in the UK. It’s clear we aren’t winning this “war”. Our policies at present are based on criminal sanctions and ‘just say no’. I’ve had to accept that a world where people don’t want to use drugs isn’t going to happen. Instead, we need to find ways to make them safer.

I’m sure that most parents would agree if their child were to take drugs they would rather they be from a source that was safer than from an unmarked packet without a clue of what’s in them or how much is safe to take. Wouldn’t it be better if someone could obtain drugs that were clearly marked with ingredients, safe dosage, and risks just as we do with alcohol and cigarettes? 

Currently, there is no other alternative to getting drugs illegally, pushing supply into the hands of organised crime groups whose only objective is to make money which ends up making the drugs more dangerous. There is no regulation, no control, and dealers will go to any lengths to make their “business” more successful. This includes adding toxic ingredients to drugs, using violence to protect their businesses, and grooming young people to sell. A vast majority of drug use won’t become problematic. What’s more problematic is not knowing what’s in the drugs, not having anywhere you can go to find out, and being at risk of a criminal record. When drug use becomes problematic it needs treating as a matter of health, not a criminal issue. 

Other countries have set up overdose prevention centres which have proven highly effective. They give people somewhere safe to go away from the streets and the chance to engage with trained healthcare professionals. Most importantly, they keep people alive. If these had been available maybe Ben would be here today. He would feel cared for and listened to instead of ashamed and scared. 

A piece of me died with Ben, and one of the ways I cope is by making sure my son’s life isn’t just going to be another statistic, I want his life to change others and help give others in the same situation better outcomes. I really feel that Ben was let down by a system that is old and clearly not working. We need change now before more lives are lost and families left heart broken.