This blog was written by Anyone’s Child campaigner Brian, whose son, Tom, died three days after his 37th birthday. 

This blog is the first of a series of reflections about my son’s death and the circumstances in which it took place.

When my beloved son died in April 2020, it was in the middle of the first pandemic lockdown. The coroner’s inquest into his death did not take place until July 2021, although a preliminary report indicated that he had taken some drugs, and that they might have been a factor in his death. We also knew that he had alcohol in his blood. When I told people of his death, I was guarded in how I spoke or wrote about it. To most people I said (and this is copied from an email sent at the time) “I know he had been making incredibly good use of the lockdown, and was keeping very fit – though possibly pushing himself too hard because it seems he had a heart attack, though we won’t know for certain for a while because the inquest may not take place for several months because of the Covid related lockdowns.” There was some truth in that. He had indeed been pushing himself, and he was exceptionally fit. And now, having heard the coroner’s findings (the inquest finally took place 15 months after his death), there is even some truth in my claim that he had heart failure. But we now know, and had reasons at the time to believe, that his heart failure was caused by a combination of alcohol, heroin and MDMA.

I was more honest with those closest to me. But I know that the more selective version of the truth was at least in part because of my own shame. I’m sure I would have felt a sense of guilt if drugs and alcohol hadn’t been involved, because I’d have blamed myself for not doing more to protect him. And I still feel that heart-wrenching sense of inadequacy that comes from not knowing how I could have protected him. Gradually, however, after much reflection over the past 18 months or so, I have begun to understand that the best way of honouring Tom and cherishing my memories of him, is to honour all of him; that loving him (in death as in life) necessarily involves acknowledging that he occasionally drank to excess and sometimes took drugs. It is one of the reasons I have become a campaigner with Anyone’s Child.

It is now too late to save Tom. But I hope that I can contribute in some way to the work of Anyone’s Child in persuading people of all political persuasions that protection, support and easily available treatment for people who take drugs – for whatever reason – is far more effective than criminalisation.

Image of Brian from BBC News article ‘Bereaved father says son needed safe drug space’: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-59520086