In 2006 my father died of a heroin overdose after struggling with an alcohol and cocaine addiction. He had been a very talented chef having opened and run many of Belfast’s early fine dining restaurants.  3 months after my father died my mother died in an accident at her partner’s house while under the influence of alcohol.  In September 2017 my younger brother died from a heroin overdose, alone, in the same house where my father died. My family has been decimated due to our failed drug laws.

We both found out about my father’s issues with cocaine when he was sent to prison for cocaine importation in the late 1990’s, at that stage we were young and drugs where something ‘that only bad people did’. I believe that my brother and I both struggled hugely with the social stigma around my father’s imprisonment.

But that was before we hit our teenage years when drugs became, cool, counterculture, edgy, subversive, basically all the things that young rebellious kids look for in a new hobby.  

My brother probably developed an interest in drugs slightly earlier than me, but by around 14 or 15 both of us were drinking alcohol and soon after eagerly experimenting our way through various scheduled substances.  

To say both of us where advocates for drug use would be fair.  We consumed literature, music, art and culture that reflected the ‘hedonistic or mind expanding’ properties of the substances that we fell for.

We had a whole team of friends who partied hard, took lots of drugs and had some great times. All of us, I would suggest, were heavily influenced by the media that portrayed drug use and culture in its various glamorous  facades.

Both of our parents gave us as much freedom as we wanted with regards to our drug use, “I would rather that  I know about it than they try to hide it me” my mum would say, while my father was somewhat more of a proponent, albeit in hindsight a very naive proponent.

At around 17 I was prosecuted for supplying Class A drugs. I received a two year suspended sentence.  Drugs were still cool, possibly even more so.

At 18 my father introduced me to cocaine after various queries I made. Around the same time my brother discovered heroin, my father, at the time suffering from depression and alcohol addiction, duly obliged. The pair of them burnt it up for the first time together at a house party shortly before my father’s death.

My main point is that I would not have been attracted to drugs had they been legal. Neither would I have seen drugs as a financial mechanism had they been legal.  As it stands drug laws allowed me to become somewhat of a proponent, supplier and expert rather than a trained medical professional whom should be responsible for these substances.  

My behaviour greatly influenced my brother and he emulated me in anyway possible, however in the past 10 years my experiences with drugs have become slightly more tainted having seen so many close friends die or be jailed.  

My brother continued with what I now see as a warped, glorified, romantic notion surrounding drugs which is so keenly supplied by media.  This led to him becoming an expert in drug use among his social circle, he was well read and intelligent and truly believed he knew what he was doing.  He was purchasing through the internet and quality was slightly more predictable but still undeterminable. His last batch was from a different supplier with a higher purity, this discrepancy in strength is probably what caused him to inject a fatal dose.

Had heroin been available in a chemist and there been a drug consumption room or a supervised injecting facility my brother would not have seen it as attractive.  In fact had drugs been legal, I would argue, ‘Trainspotting’ would have been a very boring film.